


Rivers Know This

by Ellie5192



Series: Two Birds [1]
Category: E/R (1984)
Genre: Episode Tag: s01e22, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:45:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie5192/pseuds/Ellie5192
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Rivers know this. There is no hurry. We shall get there. – A.A. Milne."</p><p>Drinks the other night had been as flirty as they’d ever been, and she isn't afraid to admit that the wall between them had crumbled a little over a bottle of wine and a wonderful conversation.<br/>Howard Sheinfeld/Eve Sheridan. Pre-ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rivers Know This

**_Rivers Know This_ **

****

_…There is no hurry. We shall get there. – A.A. Milne._

 

“Eve? You okay?”

She looks up from her place on the break-room couch, head buried in a pillow. It’s only been a few minutes since she told him she was going to lie down, but as always he seems to notice there’s more going on with her than she’s letting on. It infuriates her that he knows her so well. It’s also overwhelmingly touching.

He steps inside the door and closes it softly behind him, a questioning yet all-knowing look on his face.

Sitting up with a sigh, the front of her lab coat ruffled from where she’s been lying on it, she pushes her hair out of her eyes and finally levels her gaze at him.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asks gently, reassuringly, as though he has the answer to every question she wants to ask.

“About what?” she asks dejectedly, pointedly not looking at him as he takes one step closer.

“About what’s got you so glum. Yesterday you were practically skipping through the halls, and today your face is as long as Seabiscuit’s”

She shoots a glare at him.

“A very pretty Seabiscuit, with fabulous hair”

She could almost laugh at his backpedalling, and the way he holds his hands up in acquiescence, his face looking as innocent as possible. She quirks the corner of her mouth to let him know he’s not in trouble, but can’t help sighing again as she loses all the wind from her sails.

“It’s Robert”

He seems to understand immediately, and she’s so grateful when he doesn’t turn on his heal and leave her to her misery. Instead he takes a tentative step forward, and seems to make up his mind about something as he props himself on a chair right in front of her, their knees almost touching. He looks relaxed, but ready, as though he knows she’s going to need to unload on him and he’s preparing himself. She’s still looking at her hands in her lap, but she sees all of this from the corner of her eye, and it’s enough to lift her mood, if only a little bit. He really is a good man. Drinks the other night had been as flirty as they’d ever been, and she isn’t afraid to admit that the wall between them- the one of professionalism and being merely colleagues- had crumbled a little over a bottle of wine and a wonderful conversation.

“He pulled out of a date?” he says softly.

“No. He pulled out of a relationship” she says, wringing her hands around the seam of her lab coat.

For a brief moment Howard is too stunned to say anything, his mouth popping open in pure shock. Only a few days ago Robert had to cancel plans with her because of schedule conflicts and Howard had been in the break room for the disappointing conversation. She finds it touching that he remembers. She doesn’t blame Robert; her relationship with him wasn’t perfect, but it had seemed happy. It was happy. Though they managed for quite a long time to find time for each other, the occasions of going out as a couple had lately been dwindling. She knows they weren’t going to last forever, but she had thought they had a little more time left. She also knows she’s been pulling away from the relationship in equal measure, but it doesn’t stop the sting of rejection or the feeling that she’s been left in the dark.

“What?” hisses Howard, finally able to speak, leaning towards her with a look of complete disbelief.

She nods.

“Mmm-hmm. This morning before my shift. He came by my place and gave me back the spare key. Told me he really cared for me, but that it just wasn’t working out- he didn’t feel it, whatever _it_ is”

Her voice is getting watery, and she can feel the sting of tears building in her eyes, and were it anyone else she’d feel self-conscious, but it’s Howard, and for some reason that makes it okay.

“He’s crazy!” says Howard immediately, his face suggesting he really believes that. She shakes her head. “Dumping a great gal like you? The man’s certifiable”

He sounds truly outraged, and that helps her ego just a little bit.

“No he’s not, Howard, he’s right”

“No”

“Yes. Yes, he is” she says earnestly, looking right at him. “Look at us, look at the time” she adds, gesturing to the clock on the wall. “It’s the middle of the night on a Friday and we’re sitting in the emergency room, one guy has a broken leg and another has half his guts hanging out of a knife wound! I’ve been bled on, spat on, changed my shirt, washed my hands I don’t even know how many times, and I won’t be home until at least two in the morning… Howard, how can any man compete with all that?”

As always, her speech is animated and full of nuance. He can tell that she’s not angry about the job; she’s not even angry about the spit, though it was a decent shot almost right in her eye. No, she’s upset that one part of her life that she loves has impacted so much on another part of her life that she maybe could have loved, if given the chance.

“Eve…”

“I mean, we didn’t even live together. Here I am saying I want a baby, and I can’t even get a relationship to reach the cohabitation stage”

“Eve, stop. Don’t do this to yourself. You’re an amazing woman. Any guy would have to be crazy not to want you”   

“Well then you all must be crazy, because Robert was the longest relationship I’ve had since college, and I blew it”

“Hey now, don’t you go bunching all of us in the same basket”

He’s trying to add levity, she knows, but it’s thought-provoking that he seems so offended by her off-handed remark. She’s aware of their mutual respect. She might even call it an agreed level of flirting. But it never occurred to her that there was anything more between them, or that the attraction (and she’s mature enough to call it that) might be indicative of deeper emotions. She likes Howard, certainly, and would like to think he likes her as a person in return. Of course, having just been dumped she’s not willing to analyse herself further, aware that her emotions may be the result of a bruised ego more than anything.

“I’m sorry Howard. It’s not Robert. It’s me. It’s not fair to blame him”

“But _he_ left _you_ ”

“And what other option did I give him? He was good enough to stay as long as he did”

“Nonsense”

“No, it’s like we said that time- you remember? We said we’d just have to find someone who worked crazy hours like ours. But with all the crazy hours we work, where am I gonna find someone like that? It’s a never-ending circle”

“Eve, don’t think like that. You’re still in shock, give it time. Take a break. Then worry about all that later”

She huffs out a breath again, pulling her abandoned pillow into her lap and hugging it close to her chest.

“You’re right. I’m just going to lay off the dating for a while”

Howard immediately spins out of his chair and slumps on the couch next to her, which makes her smile a little bit. They’ve never been awkward about physical proximity, and so it doesn’t feel strange when he lifts his arm and throws it around her shoulders, pulling her into his side in a pseudo-hug. She allows herself to go, still holding the pillow, and snuggles her head against the hollow of his shoulder. He rubs her arm a couple of times as comfort. She allows herself to lean on him, and tells herself he’s only being a good friend.

“Eve, let me tell you, this defeatist attitude is worrying me”

“Well it’s true”

“Why? You’re a smart, successful, gorgeous woman; the world is at your feet. So this relationship didn’t work out, so what? I’ve been divorced twice now, and that doesn’t stop me looking for love”

“Yes, but Howard, you’ve already got your family… and I think we might be looking for different kinds of love”

He rolls his eyes at the way she deadpan snarks at him and tries not to smirk, shaking her shoulder in reproach, acknowledging the light humour in her comment.

“You know, the truth is, as much as I care for him, and as much as we had some great times, I’m not even that upset that I won’t be with Robert anymore. Isn’t that an awful thing to say?”

“Did you love him?” he asks softly, looking down at the top of her head.

She pauses for a moment, her eyes unfocused.

“No” she hums, and though it really doesn’t surprise either of them, it still feels like a burden has been lifted. He can’t know that Lois had asked her the same only a few days ago, or that her answer then had been less sure, but the fact that he’s not surprised really says a lot.

“So what is it that you’re really upset about?” he asks gently.

“Time, I guess. I just feel like I’m running out of it, and I’ve spent so long focussing on my career that I’ve left no time for all the other things I want in life”

“Eve, you know, life doesn’t work by some magic formula with precise baking instructions and a buzzer set to go off every five years”

She grins into his shoulder at the incredulous tone of his voice.

“If you want a family so much, it will come. If you’re open to love, it’ll slap you in the face, just you watch. Maybe not this week, but one day you’ll look back at this conversation and laugh at yourself”

“I hope you’re right, Howard, I really do”

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right”

She playfully slaps his chest, and he holds her hand there in a tender show of support, which makes her smile again. He always has the infuriating ability to make her grin, even in the worst situations.

“Tell you what. Let’s go out, you and me”

“What?” she whines, sitting up and out from under his arm.

“Yeah. Let’s go to dinner after our shift. Have a drink. God knows you need it, and I don’t mind being your drinking buddy; in fact I quite enjoy it”

“Really? You don’t mind joining me while I drown my sorrows?”

“Not at all. God knows you’ve been there for me through enough crises. It’s the least I can do”

“Well, I won’t say no. I guess I could use some good company tonight”

“I’m good company?” he asks playfully, standing up and grinning down at her.

“No, but Thor has to go home, so I guess you’ll do” she quips, joining him in standing and smiling at him. He pretends to be outraged, which only makes her smile more.

“You wound me, Eve”

“You should be used to it by now”

She goes to step around him, but he suddenly steps in front of her and wraps his arms around her in a friendly hug. She stiffens for a moment before wholeheartedly returning it.

“You’ll be just fine” he says softly.

All she can do is nod against him and swallow the lump that is again forming in her throat. For someone who can send her into a rage so easily, he has a way of catching her off-guard with his moments of warmth. They pull apart and smile at each other, their hands lingering. It feels too personal, and she pulls away, feeling better than she did earlier.

They’re walking towards the door when they hear sirens in the distance and Maria shouting about incoming patients. With a final look between them they snap back into business mode and rush into the E/R. It’s only later that Eve realises that for the rest of the night her private thoughts were focused not on her breakup, but on the dinner she was to share with Howard. She wants to feel bad about that. She doesn’t. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is the first story I’ve ever written for a comedy show or sitcom. I struggled with finding the right tone to stay true to both the characters and the mood of the show itself, without a laughing audience to guide the action. Any feedback about how I did would be greatly appreciated.  
> Thank you, my loyal readers :)


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